V/H/S/2 (2013) - Review

Hey there, found footage!  Long time, no see!  Why did you come back again?

Huh?  No way.  It couldn’t have been because someone wanted you here.  I’m very sure of that.

V/H/S/2 was released a mere year after the first one, presumably because critics were mesmerized and unable to be satiated by the deluge of masterfully directed found footage movies.  Or because they the creators gripping, in vain, on a quickly-drying cash cow, hoping to make a quick buck for a limited amount of effort.

Now, now, that’s not completely fair.  This movie is marginally better than its predecessor, but that’s not saying all that much.  It actually fares pretty similarly: the majority of the short films are crap, but there’s one really really good one.  I feel a track-by-track analysis suits these movies the best, so here we go.

The wraparound story is called Tape 49, and much like the framing narrative of the first film, it’s awful.  It’s just an excuse (and a bad one at that) to get to the VHS tapes.  But it’s completely unnecessary.  Just show a TV and a VCR at the beginning and start the tapes, throw some tracking problems in between each one and there you go.  That’s good enough for me.  Anyway, this wraparound is even dumber than the last one, if you can believe that, complete with another nonsensical and abrupt ending.  Woo.

The first proper short is called Phase I Clinical Trials, and it’s basically The Eye.  After ocular surgery, a guy starts seeing ghosts, which get progressively more violent until they kill him abruptly.  A couple shots are rather effective, but not much really happens and by the time it does, the scariness factor has worn off pretty much completely.  Mediocre at best.  The second short is called A Ride in the Park, and features a guy with a camera on his head, riding a bike.  Oh, and zombies for no reason.  He gets turned and kills people for a while.  Next, please.

This is actually from the first movie, but I bet you couldn't tell

Here’s the good one.  Safe Haven.  Luckily taking up the majority of the film, it follows a documentary crew filming a cult, who unbeknownst to them, are about to “drink the Kool-Aid”, figuratively speaking.  I actually really loved this segment, so I don’t want to spoil too much of it, but there’s some great stuff in here, and it goes in a pretty insane, balls-to-the-wall direction that I wasn’t expecting.  The same problems of not knowing how to end a found footage movie are still here, but the end is so hilariously weird that it didn’t bother me.

The last short is called Slumber Party Alien Abduction, and the title pretty much tells you everything you need to know.  This one is pretty decent too, actually, albeit a little overly cruel.  Some cool effects and alien design, but nothing special.

Just look up Safe Haven online or something – that’s a great short film.  It’s just too bad they can’t ever get five great short films instead of one.