Darkness: The Teen Space Vampire Saga (1999) - Review

Darkness: The Teen Space Vampire Saga, or simply Teenage Space Vampires as it’s known on IMDb, is not worth your time.  It may look like a shitty direct-to-video film, and it is.  It may look like a cheap and completely transparent attempt at cashing in on the gullibility of the Twilight fanbase, and it is certainly that as well.  You might even think that it possesses the “so bad, it’s good” (as opposed to So Good, It’s Awesome) nature of the aforementioned sparkle vamp series.  Sadly, that’s where your lucky guessing streak would end.

Uh-huh.

Straight for Pulsepounders, who consider themselves “family sci-fi... with an edge!” (it’s that classic use of ellipses that really... gets me!), comes this barely watchable, highly incompetent mess of a 90s kids’ movie that changed its name over a decade after release to appeal(?) to a new audience.  However, where Twilight succeeds at entertaining both its target audience and the connoisseurs of crap like myself, this film can surely boast no such achievement.

I don’t even remember what happened in this movie.  I have some fairly hazy images of terrible, sub-WB 90s effects, like something Obscurus Lupa would review.  But alas, those images didn’t come with any memories of entertainment had when watching this Redbox classic.

I’d say stay away from this one, but honestly it made such a minute impression on me that you probably won’t remember if you watched it or not.  So... go for it, I guess?  Or not.