C.H.U.D. (1984) - Review

C.H.U.D. stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller.  Or Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal – it seems like the box art is in direct contradiction to the film itself.  But regardless of the acronym, you wouldn’t expect a movie about sewer cannibals to be at all subtle.  But you know what?  It kind of is.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not a very good movie.  But hey, at least they’re trying to make a statement, presumably about the government and the homeless / poverty.

You got some entertaining actors, including both John Heard AND Daniel Stern.  No Joe Pesci to complete the Home Alone reunion though, sadly.  You got a silly monster that actually looks kind of cool when they manage to get the lighting right.  But most of all, you’ve got some really, truly awful pacing, and that’s what kills the movie.

I’m all for building up to the monsters.  In fact, great monster movies rarely show the monster in all its glory.  It’s a well-known movie-making technique.  The more you show the monster, the less effective it becomes (exception being The Thing or something like that which can complete surprise you over and over); once you blow your load on seeing the creature, you’re done.  I get that.  But this movie goes WAAAAAY overboard with that.

Aww isn't he cute?

The creatures are barely in the movie, and that would be fine if the rest of the film was engaging and fun.  Alas, it wasn’t meant to be.  The movie surrounding the monsters is really poorly paced and approximately 75% bureaucratic boredom.  There are some interesting political themes there, it’s just that they don’t really do anything with them or say anything interesting.

Still, C.H.U.D.’s heart is in the right place, and this is totally a Netflix-able movie if you’re bored out of your mind at 2 AM.  There are infinitely better options (even elsewhere on Netflix), including just going to bed, but you won’t hate yourself the morning after.