Frozen (2013) - Review

Controversial opinion time!  Frozen is a bad movie.  Not just a bad Disney movie, but a truly bad movie.  I’m sure it doesn’t help that everyone fawned over it for a year about how great it was before I finally got around to seeing it.  I was, needless to say, not impressed.  But I don’t really think I have much of an argument against it.  Well, maybe a couple.

First off, the songs are bad.  Yeah, you heard me.  Let It Go?  That’s a terrible song.  For the First Time in Forever is a generic “I want moooooore” Disney Princess song (but not half as interesting as Part of Your World or I Won’t Say I’m in Love), and don’t get me started on Fixer Upper, which is one of the worst Disney movie songs this side of Princess and the Frog.

Of all the musical numbers, only Do You Want to Build a Snowman and Love Is an Open Door make an impression, both being catchy and cute.  Kristen Bell has a lovely voice, but there’s something about the twangy upper register of Idina Menzel’s that rubs me completely the wrong way.  She sounds like Dolly Parton, which is not something you want in any circumstance.

I'm just as surprised as you Anna.

Hm, positives, positives.  Let’s see...  Alan Tudyk has a minor part, so that satisfied my Whedon itch a bit, but he doesn’t even sing.  What a letdown.  That’s the real reason this movie gets two stars out of five.

The animation is also a bit suspect – it looks kind of plastic-y.  It’s basically the same style as Tangled, but that movie got away with it due to the stellar cast, likable characters, and decent songs.  The characters in this are... just ugh.  Elsa is not only utterly selfish but also a complete idiot.  Anna is fine, but they had to pair her with a complete lunkhead?  And that’s not even touching the sidekick snowman character, Olaf.  Oh jeez.

If you’re looking for a new-ish Disney movie, stick with Tangled or Wreck-It Ralph.  Neither are as good as Disney’s heyday (in my opinion, they peaked in the 90s) but they’re far better kids’ films than this.  Or you could be a good parent and show them The Lion King instead.