V/H/S (2012) - Review

Seems like a large amount of effort for something so stupid.

Ahh, my beloved found footage.  When was the last time we saw each other?  The Last Exorcism, maybe?  It's been awhile.  And what better way to come off the heels of one of the better found footage films out there than to watch a collection of some of the worst out there!  Yes, collection; this is a found footage anthology movie.  It shouldn't work, and surprisingly enough, it doesn't.

There are five short films and a wraparound, and I'll just go through all of them quickly.  Okay, first off, the wraparound involves a bunch of delinquent jerks finding a series of tapes and watching them.  As the tapes go on, weird stuff happens.  That's it.  The wraparound is complete garbage and makes no sense at all.  Next.

Congrats, you've now seen the scariest part of the movie.

The first real segment is called Amateur Night, and it follows a bunch of delinquent jerks and one slightly sympathetic guy trying to pick up women and make a film of their own.  They find a woman, and she turns out to be a monster (unfortunately pictured to the right).  It's the only good segment in the film, as it's well-shot, suspenseful, and has some pretty solid effects to boot.  Brace yourselves, it's all downhill from here.

The second short is called Second Honeymoon, detailing a couple's road trip.  It's actually pretty solid with some genuine suspense until the director (horror veteran Ti West) decides to just give up and end the film with no rhyme or reason.  It's still the second best short.  The third short is called Tuesday the 17th (did you guys see that episode of Psych with the same name; yeah, that one is great) and it follows dumb teens in the woods.  Yay!  I haven't seen enough of that to last forever yet.  Anyway, a bad glitch effect kills them all in dumb ways and nothing makes any sense.

The fourth one is called The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger, and it's also pretty creepy until the nonsensical ending.  Sensing a theme here?  This one is all webcam footage, which is a pretty nifty idea; it's just too bad the whole thing doesn't really make sense.  The last one is called 10/31/98, and it's probably the most boring one of all.  Just people stuck at a Halloween party experiencing weird stuff like hands coming out of walls.  If that sounds cool, it isn't.  If you must watch it, watch Amateur Night and then turn it off.  Just goes to show that humanity made the right decision to kill of VHS tapes when they did.