Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Yellow Wallpaper (2011) - Review

Apparently The Yellow Wallpaper is a popular short story from the late 1800s. I wouldn't know; I hadn't heard of it until the 2011 film starring Buffy-star-turned-bad-Syfy-star Juliet Landau. A quick glance of the Wikipedia article for the film will tell you that it's more of a "reimagining" than an actual adaptation of the source material. Is there one word that can kill anticipation as quickly as "reimagining"? Insert TMNT/aliens/Michael Bay joke here.

Well I'm sure the short story is great and all, but that doesn't keep this low budget clunker (almost as bad as the 'no budget' clunker coined by Adam Sandler's magnum opus Going Overboard) from being a typical haunted house jump scare fest complete with an astonishing lack of tension. Sure, this is a criticism that can be launched at virtually any low budget (and even blockbuster) horror movie, but this one is particularly dull.  The sad thing is that most of the film isn't even funny, so there's nary a sliver of entertainment to be found.

What could be worse than a boring film that's not even funny? A nonsensical, contradictory ending, of course! Turns out it was all vampires or something. Spoilers. Or not. If you want something with vampires and Juliet Landau, stick with Season 2 of Buffy. Otherwise, just read the short story, I guess.

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