Sunday, July 8, 2012
Dark Floors (2008) - Review
Ah, what can you say about the Finnish metal band Lordi? Not much. They're just a dumb and silly band that's sort of ironically likeable. That's about it, really. There's no depth to the band, whatsoever, but that's okay. It's goofy fun. What's weird is that they made a horror movie with the band as the monsters.
Does that really lend itself to a whole movie? Before you watch it, you'll probably say no. After you watch it, you'll definitely say no. The movie just isn't memorable in the slightest, and even the cool Lordi costumes aren't enough to keep things interesting.
The plot is nothing special, mostly taking place in an abandoned hospital. It looks okay; there's nothing mindblowing, but for the most part, the setting works well and the Lordi members are fairly imposing. It never manages to become its own thing though; the entire movie is content to simply be "that movie with the guys from Lordi in it". The plot never really approaches anything interesting or even coherent.
The movie actually uses a lot of the same elements as the 2009 horror film Triangle such as time loops and other quantum things that you probably need a degree to understand if they're being used properly (hint: they're probably not). They're interesting concepts, they really are, but they're explored so much better in Triangle (and even then, they're confusing). Here it doesn't really work, and in fact only serves to make a fairly boring film confusing as well. At least the Lordi credits song is cool.