Thursday, May 10, 2012

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007) - Review

This movie is worse than Halloween: Resurrection. Let that sink in for a moment. A film involving Busta Rhymes beat Michael Myers to a pulp before electrocuting him is better than this.  This is the kind of film that makes me want to lower the rating scale, or give movies a negative rating, or something stupid that invalidates the whole concept of a rating.

Rob Zombie is awful in just about every respect.  His look, his music, his directorial's all terrible psychobilly redneck idiocy at it's worst.  I'll give him this though, he really does know how to make movies that are completely and utterly irredeemable.  There is nary a shred of entertainment to be found in this movie, and he's the biggest reason why.  Under the helm of a different director, a remake could have had a chance, but Zombie is quite possibly the worst choice for the role.

The writing is probably its worst quality.  Rob Zombie's complete lack of any subtlety or nuance is probably the most annoying thing in the world.  The worst offender is the first act, where Zombie felt the need to over-explain the character of Michael Myers by giving him an awful family.  I honestly don't know what this is supposed to achieve.  Are we supposed to sympathize with Michael?  Because we certainly don't.  But we aren't supposed to like his family either... so the whole thing feels rather pointless.  It leads to a film with very few likable characters because Zombie only knows how to write crazy hicks.  The pleasant exception to this is Dr. Loomis, played by Malcolm McDowell.  He's an actual person, not one of Zombie's annoying stereotypes; he isn't as intriguing as Donald Pleasence's incarnation of the character, but he's far and away the best character in the movie because he's played by a good actor and actually has dialogue resembling that of a normal human being.

Zombie's direction is pretty bad too; mostly during the violent sequences.  He gets the occasional cool shot every now and then but there are so many awful stylistic choices that really renders some scenes laughably bad.  This movie somehow got it more wrong then the mediocre-to-bad Platinum Dunes remakes of movies like A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th.  Those movies, as bad as they are, are relatively harmless.  This is an ugly, dirty, grungy mess with almost no good qualities.  Stay away.

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