Friday, January 6, 2012

Masters of the Universe (1987) - Review

I know two things about He-Man. 1. He-Man is the main character. 2. Skeletor has a high pitched raspy voice. This live action adaptation of the cartoon series got both of those wrong.  Usually this kind of movie is right up my alley; cheesy acting, cheesy effects, cheesy makeup, it's all so 80s. It seems perfect, but for whatever reason, it winds up really boring. You know your movie is bad when the best scene is the characters eating fried chicken for five minutes.

Skeletor is a generic take-over-the-world villain, and all the effects, while entertainingly cheesy, are not done very well. It looks like every other bad 80s movie ever made, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But here, it just comes off like an episode of Power Rangers. And not the good ones; the ones after Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa left.

The basic plot is so trite and forgettable that I literally can't remember what it is. Something about a magical device that also plays music. It hardly matters, as most of the movie's (seemingly long) runtime is spent with He-Man and his pals running around with a couple kids and Principal Strickland from Back to the Future while some goofy mercenaries chase them around.

Featuring Courtney Cox in one of her first roles, it's definitely one of her least dignified ones as well. She gets more screen time than the title character! Dolph "I Must Break You" Lundgren is pretty lifeless in comparison to other 80s action stars, and lacks the charisma of a Stallone or Schwarzenegger, or even a Reb Brown. Overall, it's a pretty awful film. However, if you're not lactose intolerant, then check it out. It's got plenty of cheese to go around.

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