I ROBOT, YOU JANE
SEASON 1 EPISODE 8
Okay, here is the prime example of a really, REALLY cheesy episode. One that's full of really outdated Internet paranoia and a few pretty out-of-character characters. If I was being objective, then I'd say this is a bad episode. But I can't be objective about Buffy, so...I love it! Or at least like it. As a friend.
It starts off in Italy in 1418 and-- okay, already this demon makes no sense. He says "all I want is your love" to a servant seconds before snapping his neck. Anyway, a monk that looks like Christopher Lloyd banishes him into a book while his monk friends gather around him. Part of the music here really reminds me of an old SNES game for some reason. But he's stuck in the book, and cut to 1997 as Buffy and gang find it in the library while scanning books onto the computer.
This episode introduces a bunch of new characters right off the bat as if the group knows them fairly well, which is something I usually hate. It doesn't seem to matter too much here though. Ms. Jenny Calendar is the computer science teacher, yin to Giles's bookish yang, and Dave and Fritz are also there helping scan... because...body count? Fritz is spouting off about computers like a madman, the boy is clearly disturbed. Get him some psychiatric help, don't just make quips as he walks away! Thaaaaat's Fritz! Xander is wearing a shirt that says "Porn Star" in a funky 70s font. His shirts are the best, I tell you.
So Willow does some scanning, and the words of the demon Moloch are erased from the book and sent to the computer. The next week Buffy sees Willow in the hall all giddy and crushing hard. I find it weird that they haven't spoken in like a week, aren't they supposed to be best friends? Right away Dave looks like a freak talking to his computer as Buff and Will walk into computer class. Was there voice recognizing software that typed for you in '97? It's not even accurate in 2012!
So Willow begins to get more defensive of Malcolm (the demon's phony name; at least he chose one similar to Moloch, so it's easy to remember!) and more aggressive towards Buffy, who is understandably having doubts. There's never any doubt that Malcolm is evil, we see him getting scanned into the book, so we know how it's going to play out. Anyway the computer is doing a search for Buffy and it shows her GPA, birthday, and other things in a couple shots. It's interesting to note that the numbers are inconsistent between shots. It's really odd, and I'm not sure how that even happens. Did they get two people to type it out, one messed up, and they used both? Anyway, Malcolm tells Fritz to watch out for her.
"I could also say I'm an elderly Dutch woman. And who's to say I'm not if I'm in the 'Elderly Dutch Chat Room'?"
So Xander gets ditched by Willow, as he and Buffy consider the possibility that Malcolm is a creepy guy. Some sort of Internet predator, perhaps? Things escalate rather predictably with Buffy getting more suspicious, asking Dave to help (who, incidentally is Ash from Supernatural) and Willow getting more defensive. So Buffy gets her spy background music and follows Dave to a place called CRD, doing something shady, and Fritz gets the orders to kill her. Enter Jenny Calendar, and she and Giles shares some awkward sexual tension. She finds the empty Moloch book and Giles gets suspicious.
"Er...to read makes our speaking English good."
Malcolm seems to get creepier (although the default robot voice in the chat room doesn't help). Dave and Fritz try to kill Buffy by electrocution, but Dave decides he can't do it. So Fritz gives Dave the round end of a rope. People being hanged always skeeves me out. Buff, Xander, and Giles realize that Moloch is inside the Internet and can access everything. They try to delete his file but he appears on screen with a semi-threatening message. So scary!
At home, Willow get's chloroform'd by Fritz and taken to CRD while Giles and Jenny brainstorm a solution. Turns out Jenny is sort of a witch...a computer witch. A "techno-pagan" as she calls herself. They decide that if they can perform the ritual from in the Internet, like in a chat room, he should be bound again. Willow awakes to find a mechanical Moloch (say that five times fast) at CRD. Buffy and Xander storm in, and Xander even gets to punch a scientist. He hasn't gotten to do anything cool since the second episode when he decapitates the vampire with a cymbal.
Hey the SNES music is back! Giles and Jenny bind it to the mechanical body. Giles seems to be awfully good at this whole spellcasting thing...hm... Anyway, Willow wails on Malcolm with an oxygen tank or something for awhile, before Buffy tricks him into electrocuting himself. Kind of a weak way to get rid of him, but I guess it works.
In the aftermath, Giles and Jenny settle their differences on books and computers, and the sexual tension thickens! Buffy and Xander try to cheer up Willow about her failed relationship. Buffy explains how the guy she liked turned out to be a vampire and Xander says his woman turned out to be a giant preying mantis. They laugh about their misfortune, and then in a very funny moment, their laughter turns to a depressing realization that their love lives suck.
This episode's really obvious commentary about Internet safety and online predators is really stupid and far less subtle than most of the metaphors the show uses. It comes off more like an after-school special. It's definitely one of the worst episodes, but it's not all a waste; it does have some fun cheesiness and a couple genuinely funny moments.
*1/2
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